Let It All Die
by CaptainOkwd
Summary: "Let the past die. Let's bring a new order to the galaxy. Let it all die. Snoke, the First Order, the Resistance let it die." - A series of connected Reylo one-shots following Ben Solo's redemption. Set afterThe Last Jedi, major spoilers ahead. I'm reciting the dialogue from memory so it might be vastly incorrect at times. Status: 1/12
1. Broken Man

_Ben... Don't go down this way.  
_ He could see the tears glistening in her pleading eyes, begging him to go with her, to join the rebellion. to join **her**...

 _You're not alone.  
Neither are you.  
_He offered, she answered _._

He felt it and he was sure she felt it, too... Until their ideals clashed.

 _Come with me,_ his own voice demanded _.  
Let the past die. Let's bring a new order to the galaxy. Together!  
_ _ **Let it all die.**_ _  
Snoke,  
the First Order,  
the Resistance  
_ _ **let it die.**_

He could see the pain, the betrayal in those beautiful eyes, the last spark of hope dying as she lifted her hand for the saber. Luke Skywalker's saber. Anakin's, _no_ , Darth Vader's-

 _ **Let it all die**_

The words forced their way into his consciousness, his very own words, repeating over and over again...

 _Let the past die_.  
Han Solo was dead. Murdered by him, murdered by his own son-  
No. He was no Solo. He was Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader-

 _ **Ben!  
**_ Her scream rattled his entire being.

Stop. STOP showing me those eyes!

 _ **Let it all die.**_

Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order woke drenched in cold sweat. His breathing was erratic, as if he'd run for hours. His whole body was shaking, black locks sticking to his wet face that he couldn't help but bury in his hands.

He wanted to hate her. Destroy her, destroy everything she stood for, he wanted to scream until his lungs gave out, he wanted to force her image away, wipe those eyes from his memory...

To no avail.

It haunted him, not only in his dreams but during the day. He saw her disappearing around every corner, he could feel her breathing beside him and he wanted nothing more than for it to STOP-

Because deep inside, he knew.

He had lost everything _Ben Solo_ had a long time ago, he lost what _Kylo Ren_ meant, and now he lost what... What that _other Ben_ seemed to gain. _Her_ Ben. There was nothing left for him in this world. Nothing.

He was a broken man.

A tool of the Force. A container fostering the dark side, nothing else. A marionette of the self-containing structure that was the First Order, a system that didn't need _him_ but anyone willing to take up the mantle of the Supreme Leader only for the sake of having someone carrying that name.

So why did he feel this way?

Deep inside he knew. He disavowed its existence. Becaudrdeep inside he knew that exact feeling. He knew what was eating him away, nagging at his flesh, altering his perception, keeping his mind awake at night until those dreams started haunting him again.

It was guilt.  
He was a broken man.

That last time the Force connected them, their last exchange before she closed the door and left him, that exact moment he felt it. He felt himself, every piece that made up his being, shatter into a thousand pieces. Endless shards that could never be mended again. He was more torn apart than ever before.

In the end, it wasn't Snoke that broke him.  
It wasn't her, as much as he wanted to make himself believe.

It was him, and him alone. _He_ had done that to himself.

Now he was truly alone.

 _ **...Ben...?**_


	2. Last Jedi

No response. Again.

Rey opened her eyes, blinking away the wetness in her eyes… Her legs felt sore from not moving for such a long time. Patience was one of the things Luke had tried to teach her during those few days on the island. _Meditate_ , he said, _close your eyes and reach out_. As if all those years enduring the heat and mistreatment of Unkar Plutt weren't a vast proof of her patience.

Slowly, the young Jedi came to her feet. Dust raised in the warm yellow light cast through the thin slots in the blinds. Rey had chosen an abandoned domicile for today's meditation. She had wanted to familiarize herself with this city despite having to leave in the morning. Their tiny group of Resistance fighters left had gone into hiding in the Outer Rim, trying to recruit new members as well as reminding old friends that there was still hope. While their numbers did not increase all too well, the myth of Luke Skywalker grew. The last Jedi Master who had faced the First Order alone, somehow survived a thirty seconds long feast of blasterfire from a dozen Walkers unscattered, all before facing the new Supreme Leader of the oppressive First Order. And while it filled Rey with pride that she had been right about him bringing back that spark of hope, it was accompanied by a small wave of disappointment. Luke would not be the last Jedi. While she was young and mostly untrained, the legacy lived on with her. And she would carry it to every corner of the galaxy, looking for other people like her, people who were ready to accept their deep connection to the Force, who would stand with the new Rebellion and bring peace back to this tyrannized galaxy.

Bracing herself to step back out into the heat of the desert world Cotellier she reached for the door panel when a sharp pain bore into her consciousness. She almost toppled over.

There were _those feelings_ again.

They sent a shiver down her spine. Rey had to steady herself by leaning on the wall.

 _Cold_

 _Loneliness_

 _Hopelessness_

 _Suffering_

 _Guilt._

She knew these weren't her own feelings, they belonged to somebody else. The only person known to her who could consciously reach out with the Force. She let herself slide down to the floor.

 _ **...Ben…?**_

No answer. Since the battle on Crait she had tried repeatedly, but he never reacted to her calls unless to push her away. She didn't understand. Why would he reach out if he didn't want to hear her out? Unless… Unless he only subconsciously did so.

Rey clenched her fists until her knuckles turned white.

He was in pain. He was suffering all by himself and for whatever reason, Rey wanted nothing more than to help him. She couldn't explain it. Part of her was still holding on to that connection, that thin bond they created as Snoke connected them through the force, despite Ben having so freely forsaken it for his twisted view of the world…

She wanted to hate him.

She wanted to feel disgusted.

As disgusted as she did after he murdered Han in cold blood. Han, _his own fathe_ r, who had still believed in him, Han who Rey had easily accepted as the very first father figure she ever had. The man who had taken her with him, albeit involuntarily at first, who offered her a place on his ship, who gave her a blaster because he wanted her to be able to protect herself. Han who cared for her, despite having known her for mere hours. Han… She missed him.

And whe really, _really_ wanted to despise Kylo Ren. Ben Solo. Whoever he was now.

And yet… She couldn't.

She couldn't hate him.

As much as she tried to ignore it, his presence accompanied her in every moment. She could feel his distress. She knew whenever his pain became almost unbearable. So much raw emotion radiated from his presence, unexpected emotion. Rey thought him to be angry. Enraged. She expected him to go berserk, to slaughter everything in his path as Kylo Ren always did. But he didn't. Rey sensed emptiness. She didn't sense Kylo Ren, she sensed Ben.

He was lost.

She sensed him kneeling beside her, yet she couldn't touch him, not even see him. But he was there. Suffering. He was nothing but a frightened boy dreading his own actions, filled by guilt, lost in the Body of Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order. Rey wanted to help, even if it meant she had to reach out every day for the rest of her life-

Her com began blinking rapidly.

"Rey? You need to come back, _now_. They're here!"

Sighing, the Jedi came back to her feet. No time to dwell over it now. There were more urgent matters at hand. Dusting off her clothing, she stepped out into the empty hallway.

"I'm on my way."


End file.
